Alienation and the "world outside"

Last Wednesday I went to a "Goth" night a local bar. Only 4 ppl showed up not including the bartendar, the owner, the DJ and myself. Despite the EBM/Synthpop music playing, to my own horror I got bored. What make it worse, I was the only customer who dressed "Goth". In short, no goth ppl showed up. After one beer and 2 hours, I left before boredom kill me. When I go to a goth event, I seek to escape the world outside.

I embrace the underworld. The kingdom without light. A kingdom of eternal darkness. That's the only world I feel comfortable with. The ppl in the mainstream see goths, ravers, cyber, vampires, metalheads, and other dark ppl as strange. I do not see that. I see them as being quite normal ppl. Where I live, the style of dress (and the music that goes along with it) is either plain vanilla banana republic or urban hip-hop. Those dress styles are everywhere in my corner of world regardless of age or ethic background. Yes, we have old who ppl dress hip-hop. How dreadful indeed.

Many years ago I tried to "fit in" into the mainstream. More than once I tried. Such as the "Miami Vice" lifestyle. The "office worker after work" lifestyle. The "christian" holy lifestyle. And always as before it did not take long before I realized I just don't "fit in". It okay to be alone in the underworld scene. I just see myself as completed alienated and isolated from ppl and city that I live in. And I longer want to go there (the popular mainstream) b/c nothing there interest me. It bores me. It holds nothing for me. I still myself living in the world (my own dark world) but not of the outer world that surrounds me (the mainsteam).

Questions. What are your thoughts on Alienation? Isolation ? Aloneness ? Do you feel that you are alienated, isolated or alone in the world? What are you deep feelings in relation to the world outside that surrounds you ( for example, city or town that you live in) ? Are you in the world of your own or of the world outside ? I like asking deep questions. Its the darkness in me. HeHeHe ! Please enlighten and indulge me.

Is no secret I'm a bit of an introvert when not at work. Rarely do I go out and friends of like style, and mind are rare around here. My house is usually referred to as "The Vampire" house in the surrounding neighborhood. Not really sure if it's the statuary or the black truck with the VAMPYRE license plate with blacked out windows. The closet place to find those of like music and mindset, philly. I did the clubs and actually found them to be severely lacking and far more geared towards catering to the kinderbat crowd with all age functions more often than not. A most irritating situation.
Realitively speaking, I'm an adult ,well sort of, and going out to a club I'd rather not be around the more flippant of nature spoiled little kinderbats. I enjoy good conversation on deeper levels than the infantile screams of what ever new band they think is THE BAND, well for the moment. Tomorrow it will likely change. But living in delaware, there is a minimal presence of goth. I get the looks because when I walk into work, I make every attempt to push the limits on what I can get away with in my 'weird' clothing style. I've even worn my cloak into work in the winter time. That was definately some interesting reactions. ALthough lately I've been called a witch more than a goth though I usually dress in black pants coupled with my pole climber boots and corset tops with a cropped jacket, as well black or a dark color. If not short skirts.
My uniqueness tends to stir comments from the outlandish to the ignorant and really I could care less and just smile because I'm comfortable with the way I am.
I don't wish to be like any one else other than who I am but finding those of like mind around here, other than a scant few who are worth hanging out with is little to no chance. It's rather depressing.
Okay rambling to an end.